Pressure

Have you ever made a decision based on other people's opinions?

Have you dated or not dated someone because your family and friends liked or did not like that person?

There is so much pressure from society, family and friends for us to have a good career, a suitable partner and sometimes to even be a certain type of way. if you haven't felt this pressure consider yourself lucky. Sometimes we put that pressure on ourselves because of the way we grew up. 

From a young age, I heard the people around me judge other people's choice of career and partner. I remember once we were at a family gathering and one of our older cousins had just gotten a new boyfriend. We had not yet met the poor man but everybody had so much to say about him. None of it was positive. 

I also recall several conversations with some of my friends and they have the bar set very high. It's so high that sometimes you may feel afraid to even mention that you like someone whose looks or personality you know they will not approve of. 

I have set the bar very high, with reference to being successful, for myself because I was afraid that I would be judged for being anything less than successful. My reason for aiming to be successful has changed and we will talk a little more about that in another blog. 

This week I was speaking to a student of mine and she said this to me, "I wish I had not listened and blindly followed everything my parents told me to do." That hit me hard because so often social pressure will lead us to make choices that we may be unhappy with later in life. 

Don't take me wrong though sometimes there are very positive results from social pressure. The thing about pressure is that it will always be there. We just need to learn to deal with it appropriately. Let's have a look at two scenarios and see what we can learn from them.

Scenario 1

A young woman takes a job as a teacher after completing her journalism degree. Her family disapproves of this because they believe she deserves better. She understands that she deserves better but she also knows that sometimes plans don't go as you want them to. She often hears remarks of how she is wasting her talents and her family's disapproval is so evident that she would rather avoid family gatherings.

Scenario 2

A young man lost his job as a teacher and has found it difficult to find a new job. He does odd jobs to ensure that he can pay the bills. His friends continually put pressure on him to start teaching online. They pressure him to buy sending him good online job opportunities. 

In scenario 1 the young lady gets pressure but no solution on how to improve her situation. That kind of pressure is frustrating and it pushes people to distance themselves. In scenario 2 there is positive pressure. The young man's friends have his best interest at heart and they believe in his potential.

Pressure from people who see your potential and give you the tools to accomplish your dreams is welcomed. Nobody wants to be judged and to feel like they are a disappointment. 

The problem is that everybody is putting pressure on everybody and often we don't see the damage we do with our negative and judgemental behaviour. 

Think of people as the food that you put into the pressure cooker. The right amount of pressure and time will cook your meal to perfection. If you do not let the food cook for the right amount of time under the right pressure you either get an undercooked or an overcooked meal. Both are inedible. 

Let's stop highlighting people's problems and try to give solutions. Good pressure is good so distribute more of that.