Uncultured Hybrid

"If I had all the knowledge I have now when I was younger my answer to 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' would always be 'I want to be independent!'" We come into this world dependent on others because we are incapable of doing things by ourselves. Family members feed, bathe, clothe and even make decisions for us. As we grow older we begin to reclaim our independence slowly.  Our first steps to independence are the very first steps we take as we try to walk. Then we begin to feed ourselves, dress and make our own decisions. Some people get so used to having control of our lives that it can be difficult for them to allow us to become independent. They find different ways to keep controlling us.  I remember that from a young age all I wanted was to be independent. There were so many reasons for that. The one reason is that I felt like a burden to people. The Poor Orphan Girl that everybody felt obliged to take care of. Another reason was tha...

October is mental health awareness month. I know my post is late but mental health awareness should be an everyday thing. On the 30th of October 2019, I posted a blog entitled Missed signs . Included in that blog was a poem of the same title. That poem was inspired by my own personal experience and an experiment I did base on my experience.  I have been writing for a very long time. Like many girls, I started by writing diaries. Sometime last year I was looking through my high school diary and I realised that I had a death wish. I hated my life and I was really tired of living. I often skim through some of my older writings and death seems to be a recurring theme.  It's crazy because I remember being a somewhat happy child, who enjoyed going to school, laughing, spending time with friends, making jokes among other things. I mean I wasn't a problem-free child. You already know this if you have read some of my other blogs. But I was somewhat happy. I don't know wh...

"Do you ever feel like a misfit? Do you ever feel like an outcast? You don't have to fit into the format." - Ava So Am I Have you ever went somewhere and felt so out of place even though you knew the people that were there? My whole life I have felt out of place. I felt out of place at home, out of place within my family, at school, at church and right now I feel so out of place at work.  So often we find ourselves in places where we feel uncomfortable, unwelcomed or even just out of place. You may be surrounded by people you know but the environment is just not right for you. Living in a foreign country left me feeling out of place so many times. In high school I felt out of place because I didn't fit in with the popular kids, I wasn't part of the nerds or geeks. I was just those people who went through school unnoticed. I also didn't enjoy the same type of entertainment as the people my age at the time. At church among the people, my age conversa...

Have you ever made a decision based on other people's opinions? Have you dated or not dated someone because your family and friends liked or did not like that person? There is so much pressure from society, family and friends for us to have a good career, a suitable partner and sometimes to even be a certain type of way. if you haven't felt this pressure consider yourself lucky. Sometimes we put that pressure on ourselves because of the way we grew up.  From a young age, I heard the people around me judge other people's choice of career and partner. I remember once we were at a family gathering and one of our older cousins had just gotten a new boyfriend. We had not yet met the poor man but everybody had so much to say about him. None of it was positive.  I also recall several conversations with some of my friends and they have the bar set very high. It's so high that sometimes you may feel afraid to even mention that you like someone whose looks or personal...

"I stayed away from boys because nobody wants to date a burden." Stella Santiago She walked in with a smile and like she was on top of the world. For years she had kept it together and no one would have thought of what she was about to reveal. I felt honoured and really lucky to hear her story and to be able to share it. Stella Santiago had a story and she was ready to tell. As she sat in front of me with a smile so radiant that it lit the whole room, I thanked her again for willing to speak with me. I was not yet the BBC reporter I wanted to be but I promised that I would tell her story as if it was one of my BBC assignments.  I listened attentively as she began to tell her story.  “I am Stella Santiago and I am 21 years old. I never thought I would turn 21 and for the better part of my life really wished I didn’t live to be 21. I had so much going on in my life and no one to talk to. I was certain that people wouldn’t understand, that they would judge me and that I would be...