Starting point

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I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But, she's just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I've done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hand
Now I'm starting to see
Maybe It's got nothing to do with me

John Mayer - Daughters 

This lyrics describes so many girls, ladies or women out there that have the potential to put color into someone's world but simply can't because she is too busy "cleaning up a mess" someone else made.

Before I get right into it, I need to give credit to who credit is due. This blog was inspired by Manini Leputu. After watching her 'I hate my dad' video on her YouTube channel Kernel Conversations with Manini, I thought I can relate to a lot of the things she said.

I mean I don't hate my dad (neither does Manini). I am grateful for everything he did for me and for the part he played in making sure that I am where I am today. You already know that my biological parents died when I was an infant and I was taken care of by my aunt and uncle. I must note that he had no obligation to take care of me but he chose to and that is one of the million things I am grateful to him for.

In her video Manini mentions how she grew up without her dad because he worked in another province. My dad worked in a whole different continent so it is safe to say that we grew up without him. He would come to South Africa for the holidays but even then he would be working. Growing up, that really didn't affect me (so I thought).

If I have not yet mentioned this in any of my other blogs it will make sense to mention it now. One of my strongest love languages is quality time. Growing up I really didn't have much personal quality time with my dad and I am partly to blame. I never really knew how to connect with him. I remember my sister would wake up and go to our parents room where our dad would either still be sleeping or reading and she would stay there with him for a while. My brothers didn't do this but I guess they knew how to relate to our father. 

I didn't put much effort in trying to build a relationship my reasons were that I was scared. I always felt that talking to my dad was like talking to a military commander. For some reason I was scared of talking to my dad. There was always such formality/discipline that was required of me to ensure that I wasn't being disrespectful or ungrateful. I reached a point where I tried to avoid having to speak to him unless there were other people around because I was scared of saying the wrong thing or saying the right thing with the wrong tone.

Eventually there was just no relationship at all. This is the case with many people and we tend to grow up to be understanding children because we know our parents are busy because they want to ensure that we are taken care of. I realise that this is a worldwide problem. Last week I had a lesson about parents and children and two female students of mine mentioned that they wished they had a relationship with their dads growing up.

Many women believe that their lack of knowledge of how they should be loved is linked to the absence of their fathers. Since, their fathers were not present to show them how they should be loved they tend to accept any type of love to fill the gap. If you are one of these women I have something for you.

The Bible provides guidance on how a man should love you. Have a look at Ephesians 4:2-3: "With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace." and 
Ephesians 5:25-33: "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, ..."

A few years ago I read a book by Steve Harvey where he mentions the 3 Ps a lady should expect from a man. If you don't know how you should be loved use this as your starting point. A man should Profess his love for you (ain't no bidding behind the bush), he should protect you and he should provide for you. Even if you can provide for yourself make sure that man can provide for you and your kids. If he can't provide right away he should at least show potential. There is no better example of love than God himself, look to him as your starting point.

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