Recover

Some time ago I read this somewhere "It takes a human a year to recover from a breakup."

I have learned that people are different and may take a different amount of time to recover and that is okay, as long as you take time to recover. Jumping into a new relationship to try to get over an old relationship is not recovery, it is just setting you and the other person to get hurt. While you are in recovery it helps to talk about how you feel, allow yourself to feel the pain and the hurt, take time to cry and just let your emotions out. Often people think that recovering is about forgetting everything that happened while you were in a relationship with that individual but I learned that true recovery is appreciating the good moments, learning from the bad moments and accepting that it was not meant to be. 

After my breakup, I was very angry and sad at the same time and all I wanted to do was hate this individual. I thought hating him will make me feel better and vindicated. I asked him to no longer text, call nor talk to me. I was just letting my anger take control. While I was in that state I remember that I would often try to make sense of everything and try to see the signs I missed, I was not on the road to recovery, all I was doing was hurting myself more. After some time I remembered the promise that we had made to each other before we even started dating 'If things don't work out we will always be friends', only then I realized that the reason I was angry was that I was losing a friend. I really did not want that. After unblocking him and reminding him of the promise, he admitted that he too did not want to lose a friend. That's where my journey to recovery began.

I committed to staying single and relearn how to be single. When you are in a relationship for a long time you become a product of the relationship. During my recovery, single-stage, I continued to do the things that I used to do when I was in a relationship. I take myself to the movies, to eat out, buy myself a gift. Sometimes people miss the things they used to do when they were in a relationship if you are one of those people learn to do those things by yourself and with a friend occasionally. While you at it avoid thoughts or statements such as "John and I used to do this together" or "I remember when I brought Sienna here". Recovery is all about you and learning to be happy with yourself. 

Recovery is also about going back to who you used to be before the relationship or getting to know the person you have become. I have heard many people say "I miss who I used to be before Anthony/Janette came into my life" if you miss who you used to then go back to who you used to be. Sometimes relationships help you become a better person, someone you don't recognize, get to know the new person you have become and learn to love yourself. This process should also help you realize that if you love yourself first you won't be so dependent on the love of a significant other. 

Just don't become too accustomed to being alone that you cannot allow yourself to love again or let someone love you. If you begin to like someone and feel that you are ready for a new relationship, jump on that boat and enjoy your new adventure. The path of recovery is to get you to a state where you are ready to enjoy new relationships. Remember the title of my previous blog was 'Love hurts but loneliness kills'. Be ready to get hurt again because nobody is perfect and no relationship is smooth.

I have recovered, I am still single and always hopeful that he is out there wondering why we haven't met yet too.