Perfect or Right

-

"Mr. Perfect will strictly adhere to the logic offered by his mind but Mr. Right will strike a good balance between heart and mind."

The other day I was having a conversation with one of my housemates. We were talking about relationships and singleness. She was the second person that day that asked me about my singleness. 

The first person was a friend from work. She asked me and another friend of ours, "How can you guys be single?" Obviously, I didn't know how to answer because as far as I know there are no recipes to being single. Just as there are no recipes to being in a relationship. That question really got me thinking about my single state. Anyways later that day the housemate I mentioned above asked me, "Why are you single?" As I explained to her that I am single because I have not found someone that has the qualities I am looking for in a partner, she said to me "Sometimes you need to change the man to make him what you want."

"You can't change a person that does not want to be changed," I said that speaking from my vast experience of trying to change someone. She then asked me what I am looking for and I said, "I want the most basic things. I want someone who is God-fearing, does not consume alcohol, doesn't smoke or do any drugs. I am not sure about the rest." She immediately responded, "You want a perfect man!" Well if there was a perfect man I think that I would expect nothing less than perfect. But knowing that there is no such thing as perfect I said to her, "I just want the right man and if it means that I have to wait for him. Being single is worthwhile." 

So often when people describe what they want in a partner other people assume that they want a perfect person. Maybe there are people who want perfect and that is okay. If you know what you are bringing to the table you are allowed to expect the same from your partner. 

The next day I was speaking to my friend at work and she was telling me that I can still have some fun while I wait. So I said to her that I don't have time to play around. People often have an emptiness in them that needs to be filled and when they have fun with someone that emptiness is filled. The minute the fun is over they find themselves feeling more empty than before. Anyways later that day as I was on my way home this thought came to mind 'you don't want perfect you want right.'

In order for us to understand where I am going with this let's look at the definitions of 'perfect' and 'right'. Perfect means to have all the required or desirable qualities or characteristics.  So a perfect partner would have to have all the required qualities, not just the ones you are looking for. This person would be so good that they would be desired by everyone. It would mean that this person has no faults and makes no mistakes. Perfect is not relative it is absolute. Perfection cannot be changed.

Right means morally good, justified or acceptable. The right partner would align with your morals. You can decide what is right for you. Right is subjective. This person may be right for you and wrong for so many other people. Being right for someone allows you to expand, change and adjust. You will only know what is right for you when you know what you are worth and you know what you want. Knowing what you want needs to be followed by not compromising. This is where many people go wrong they get so tired of waiting for the right person that they begin to change what they want. 

Now that we know the difference between perfect and right. I need to say that the perfect person may not be the right person. But the right person may be just perfect for you. Have you ever heard people say "They are a perfect couple." That is the result of two people who are right for each being together. Being with the right person is crucial. It really minimizes the stress, the heartache and the insanity that you may experience if you are with the wrong person or even the perfect person. I want you to take a minute now and picture what a perfect person would be like. 

Now ask yourself if you would want to be with that person. If your answer is yes, ask yourself if you pictured a perfect person or the right person for you. If the person you pictured has all the qualities you look for and nothing else then you definitely pictured the right person. Alright, let me stop playing with your mind. When I did this I realized that I don't want a perfect person. I am a person that gets bored easily so being with a perfect man would be tedious for me. I would probably cheat on the poor man with an adventurous man. Speaking of cheating; being with the wrong person can also be tedious and that is one of the reasons people are unfaithful to their partners. 

The right person will not leave space for second-guessing. You will not lose interest in the person because you will be too busy growing together and becoming the perfect couple that many people envy. 

"People who strive for perfection spend a lot of time with themselves.  They work on grooming themselves and want to be at their best on every occasion. While this is not a bad thing at all, as a result of giving extra attention to themselves, they will not be able to give any priority to you. The right person is the one who will keep your happiness above theirs. You will be their topmost priority and they can make any amount of sacrifices for you." 


We have been sold this image of a perfect partner and many people bought into this image that they spend so much time trying to be perfect. We need to strive to be the right partner. Right is so much better than perfect.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Chosen

-
Image
Have you ever stopped to think about what it means to be chosen? At birth, women have 1 million eggs. At puberty about 300 000 and in her lifetime 300 - 400 of those eggs are ovulated. The rest go to waste with every menstrual cycle. Man produce millions of sperm cells in their lifetime. How else would you be if you had the right sperm cell and egg not been specifically chosen to meet at the specific time they met to make you? I mean not every egg and sperm will produce the same human and we see this in siblings with the same parents. You may share a DNA and have some similar features but you will never look the same. It had to be the work of someone who had a purpose specifically for you to ensure that you were created. The thought 'What does it mean to be chosen' came to my mind as I was doing my devotion and I bumped upon the verse John 15:16 "Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fru...
Read more

You Don't Need A Reason

-
Image
"It's over!" "This is not working." "I found someone else" "I don't love you anymore." Those are very painful and difficult words to hear from someone you love or have been in a relationship with. It can be comforting for you to at least get a reason to why something you thought was going so well has to end. Besides the fact that everything comes to an end, many people require a really good reason to end a relationship. If you need a reason, that is okay. But suppose that your significant other just can't give you a reason to why the relationship needs to end. There are various reasons why he/she claims that they don't have a reason. Here are some: Maybe there is a reason but they are too afraid to acknowledge it. They want to avoid confrontation. They care about you and really don't want to hurt. It really just wasn't meant to be. Any of these can be justified. Often people require a reason because they be...
Read more

Persitence

-
Image
"Persistence can be charming." This story is quite a surprising one for me as well. The outcome was not what I expected it to be. Let me start from the beginning. In 2014, when I was packing my bags and setting my goals for 2015 I made a promise to myself. I was going to school to study and I wanted to focus on school. For anyone who has gone to college (university) or moved to a new place, you will know that it is impossible to not make friends. So on the very first day of orientation, I met very interesting people with whom I would share the craziest, most fun and annoying experiences. On my way from the dormitory to the orientation venue, I met my first friend, who was an introvert. In the classroom, we met a girl, who had a unique name and energy. I was already acquainted with my roommate because we had participated in the same pathfinder events in Pretoria. Later I met the girl whom everybody thought was my twin. I became really close to three of the gi...
Read more