You Don't Need A Reason

"It's over!"
"This is not working."

"I found someone else"
"I don't love you anymore."

Those are very painful and difficult words to hear from someone you love or have been in a relationship with. It can be comforting for you to at least get a reason to why something you thought was going so well has to end. Besides the fact that everything comes to an end, many people require a really good reason to end a relationship. If you need a reason, that is okay.


But suppose that your significant other just can't give you a reason to why the relationship needs to end. There are various reasons why he/she claims that they don't have a reason. Here are some:

1. Maybe there is a reason but they are too afraid to acknowledge it.
2. They want to avoid confrontation.
3. They care about you and really don't want to hurt.
4. It really just wasn't meant to be.

Any of these can be justified. Often people require a reason because they believe it could help them. What if the reason you so desperately want leaves you doubtful, feeling worthless, wondering and believing that it is your fault when in actual fact it isn't.

For a long time, Aiko had wanted to end her relationship with Lei. She had even mentioned it to him twice but he convinced her that they could make things work. Aiko gave Lei some time to realise that it wasn’t meant to be. She stayed with him because she cared about him. When he finally realised that it would not work out he tried to give her reasons.

As Lei started giving Aiko reasons to why he wanted them to break up she simply said:

    “Stop, just say it’s over so it can be registered in both our minds.” 

Lei insisted that he wanted to explain because he believed that she deserved to understand. 

    “I don’t need a reason, just say it’s over and let’s move on with our lives.” She said. 

Aiko wasn’t being harsh because she wasn’t hurting neither was she trying to be strong. For her, the relationship had ended a while ago and she had been hurting for a while even though they were still together. A reason would not change the situation nor would it take the pain away. Aiko understood that it wasn’t anybody’s fault, it simply wasn’t meant to be. You can’t justify what is not meant to be. You can’t question God’s answers to your prayers.

For months Aiko had been praying about her relationship. This was her prayer:

    "Dear God, I kneel down today in humility. My heart is troubled and only you can help me. Lei and I have been together for a while now. Lord, I am grateful for the time we have had together because through Lei’s character You have shown me what kind of man I want to marry. Like every other relationship, ours is not perfect. My greatest concern Lord is that he doesn’t have a relationship with You. Despite how I feel about Lei, I pray that Your will be done, Lord. My desire is that he gets to know You and builds a relationship with you. If he is not the man you have reserved for me, Lord, prepare me to let go of this relationship. Even if we don’t end up together I still want him to have a relationship with you. Prepare me for the time we may have to part our ways. Take my heart into Your hands and hold it tight so I don’t feel the broken pieces falling inside me."

You see as much as we love or care about someone sometimes things are just not meant to be. Remember that every ending is a happy ever after. If you have not yet read my blog post, Happy Ever After, do check it so you can understand what I mean by this. Reasons can be good in some situations but are they really necessary. Imagine you lost a family member in a car accident because they were hit by a drunk driver. If the drunk driver gave you a reason to why they got behind the wheel drunk would it change the situation? Will it make moving on easier? 

You may say yes but let's be honest with each other. It doesn't. No reason will revive your loved one nor will it help you in your grieving process. So what makes us think that getting a reason for the failure and death of our relationships will help us move on or make us feel better. Just think about it.

I truly believe that if the reason will not change the situation or benefit either party it is not necessary. You don't need it. What are you going to do with reasons like?

• I found someone else.
• I don't love you anymore.
• You are not the one for me.
• It's not you, it's me. 
• My family doesn't like you.
• I cheated or I was disloyal.

None of these things is beneficial to you, what is beneficial is to accept that you deserve better and when that 'better' comes along, all the reasons will mean nothing. It all comes down to knowing your worth and if you esteem yourself worthy you will not be looking for reasons to validate the end of a relationship. We also need to know what we want. I know we won't always find someone that ticks all the boxes but at least find someone that ticks the important boxes. 

When you know what you want and you acknowledge your worth you will accept the things that are not meant to be. Keep in mind that it is nobody's fault. Let's learn to love ourselves, acknowledge our worth, know what we want and stop looking for reasons that are not beneficial to us. Remember to pray for your partner, pray for yourself and pray for your relationship. Be ready to accept God's answer to your prayers.