Failure Part II

So in the last post, you read about the ups and downs of my life from being great in primary schools, to barely making it through high, to glorious days in college and ending as a failure. It has been quite a roller coaster, I don't know where life will lead me next because I am reaching the end of another chapter (post-grad) and I have to decide on my next chapter. So many options, so many dreams. Anyways let's get back to where we ended.

So there was I, laying on my bed waiting to take my last breath and stop wasting a life. My favourite bible verse "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lors, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 did not make any sense to me at this point. "Lord, how are these plans to prosper me? I don't feel prosperous, I have lost all hope and I definitely see no future. What do you want from me? You won't let me die but I can't live like this!" He remained silent or was I so far from Him that I couldn't hear him.

While I was in this depressive state of mind I came up with the idea to write a book entitled 'Letters from a dead state'. This would be letters to society just sharing how some people are living in a dead state and we don't notice it. Let me let the letter speak for itself:

Dear Society

We always go about our lives assuming that everyone wants to be alive. 

Have you ever taken time to consider the fact that some people actually would rather be dead? 

For various reasons many people just wish they were dead. 

I am one of those people.

 Don’t be fooled by my smile, I have to. 

There is nothing in this world that would make me want to be alive. 

I have considered suicide but I have not done it because I acknowledge that this life is not mine; therefore, I have no right to take it away. 

I am a believer in God and in respect and acceptance of Him I have chosen to be used as His instrument. 

I have no purpose of my own, no goals of my own, the only thing I own is the emptiness I feel within. 

I am letting God live my life, I don’t want extra years I just want to live for as long as He has planned. 

I am not afraid to die and in fact, I am convinced that the dead are better off, than I am. 

They have no worries, no feelings. 

That’s why I am not afraid to die, several times I have asked the Lord when my time will come, and till today in my dead state, I wait for an answer. 

Don’t worry this is not a suicide note.

Yeah, I did say it was going to get a bit dark. It was clearly not a suicide note, cause I am still alive. That's honestly how I felt and that is how failure will make you feel at times. This made me realize that I have no control, yep the same control I claimed to take in the previous post, it wasn't mine to take because God is in control. Just when I was in the deepest and darkest point and I had lost all hope, He spoke and I heard Him. Earlier in the year, I had submitted my research paper to a publisher and it was under review. Just when I needed a little light, they emailed me saying that the paper had been published. What!? That lifted my spirit a bit but I was way too under to consider it a win.

Often we go through things that will take us to our lowest point. It is at this moment that we need to surround ourselves with people who can get us through it. Since I have trust issues, can't open up to people and am too afraid to hear the word "no" I have difficulty asking people for help. So I did what I do best - shut people out.

Failure is part of the process, it is your thermometer for success. If you haven't failed how will you know that you have succeeded? What we need to learn is to deal with the effects of failure on us. It's okay for you to feel low but don't let that feeling drive you, pick yourself up and try again. Fail as many times as you need so you can succeed. I read a book earlier this year where the author emphasized the importance of rejection. He wrote that we need to practice being rejected so we can learn to deal with it and accept it. Often failure is more than just "I didn't make it", it also involves that feeling of being rejected or not being good enough and many of us can't deal with that. 

Another author wrote that failure is not the opposite of success it is part of it. If we learn to embrace failure we realize that "success is not a destination it is a process." So don't expect to reach somewhere or achieve a goal and stop, once you got it you have to keep working to elevate yourself. Failure builds character, gives you strength, keeps you trying and teaches you to recognize success. 

So let us learn to embrace our lowest points, learn from them and honestly speak about them. Sometimes all another person needs is to hear about your struggle and how you overcame it. Motivation is not just about the good stories but the stories of how you almost gave up because you couldn't take it any longer.